New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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