That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
