so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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