life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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