i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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