I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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