you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
