I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
