i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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