I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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