You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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