I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
