Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
