Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
