i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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