you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
