chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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