so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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