I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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