I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
