I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
