I'm gonna have a badass scar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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