I am midnight drunk by noon
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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