hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
