Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
