i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
