I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
