My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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