ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
