did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
