I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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