I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
