i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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