I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
