All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize