her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
