Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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