I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
