Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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