even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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