How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
