I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
