you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pour the whiskey from now on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize