I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
