I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
