I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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