went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
