she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
