I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
