I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
