Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
