I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
