i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
