Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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