I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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