So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
