I accidentally burped into my bong.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
COCAINE IS GR8
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
