Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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