Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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