So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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