Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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