This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
