it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
