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so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm getting married
To pizza
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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