Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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