Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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