I love black thongs
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
soo... how was my night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize