put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
