Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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