I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
