I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
