...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
