The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize